Jun 162015
 

He got to ride a fire truck this weekend so he wears his red plastic firefighter hat as he helps me make dinner, clumsily stirring the sauce in the pan, helping me break noodles to put into the pot, dry noodles flying everywhere. I watch his dimpled arms reaching for the can opener and it almost hurts to see the innocent concentration on his face.

My first little son lost his first little tooth and now I call him “Toothless.” He talks with a small lithp now and he still cries sometimes when he gets hurt or is upset. He cries when his baby sister has to get her immunizations. I’ve stopped taking him anymore because he’s harder to handle than the one getting the shots.

My small baby has one dimple on her left cheek and fine, curly baby hair that we’re convinced will never grow. She’s learning some baby songs (just the actions), and I watch her touch her head, then her toes, head, toes, head, toes, eyes…..ears…mouth. Clap, clap, clap. Yay!

My first daughter will let me help her pick her clothes out but I can’t do it every time so she comes upstairs wearing sparkly black and pink pants with an equally sparkly pink sweater (in the summertime) and she asks me if she is pretty. “You are always beautiful,” because what else could I ever say?

Just in moments, little moments, sometimes I grasp what I am going to miss when they grow up, up, and away. Thank heaven they are still little, just for now.

Nov 102014
 

“Do you want to be a princess for Halloween?”

“No. I want to be a queen.”
“Well, they’re usually pretty mean.”
“Yeah. I want to be an evil queen.”

Inside, I am a little sad that I don’t get to make a poofy ball gown princess dress that glitters, sparkles, swishes, and twirls, but I recognize that that is my inner princess coming out and this is her Halloween, not mine.

I buy the royal purple satin and flowy black material and the felt for a regal stand-up collar and get to work making an evil queen costume. The dress has bell sleeves and the cape flows out in the back. The collar looks like it has been starched with super glue and her crown is perfect. It is, without doubt, one of the best things I have ever sewn and not nearly as much fun to make as a poofy princess dress, but my daughter loves it. She asks every October day if her costume is done so she can wear it and, when she finally gets to put it on, she makes a scary queen face and asks for an apple that she can give to Snow White (her baby sister).

When I took her to her dance class, she walked in and sat in a circle with ten other girls, every one of them wearing some form of glitter with a tutu, mostly fairies or princesses. I looked around the circle and my eyes found my daughter ensconced in her flowing black cap with a great big smile on her face and I don’t know that I have ever been more proud of her. She chose her Halloween costume and found no shame in the fact that she was the only girl there who was an evil villain. This is my strong daughter who will never be cowed by the ebb and flow of society. If she wants to be an evil queen, that’s what she will be and she will smile sweetly at the rest of their crowd with their frou frou and sparkles.